To friends, clients, partners and employers

This is Nelson Eulalio, founder of the Wild and Wise Tribe, and I am writing this open letter to share something that has happened in my personal life in the last two months which has also impacted my professional life, and to advise of a situation where my confidentiality has been breached by a news article from Sunshine Coast Daily / Courier Mail, as well as by defamation from my ex-girlfriend.

I realised that was necessary to clarify speculations and rumours, and this letter comes from a space of high vulnerability. It is risky to expose myself to people who would not be aware of all this, including new employers and business partners, with the risk of losing more than I have lost. But I believe that full transparency is necessary, and vulnerability is the lesson I am working through. 

I am also writing to share my learnings from the events and to clarify my next steps with Wild and Wise Tribe.

The Domestic Incident Facts

Last September I was involved in a domestic incident and because there may be some speculations about it, I believe that it is best to be fully transparent and appreciate your time in reading this. I was in a formal relationship from October 2023 to April 2024 and after that we had a few breakups and comebacks until late August, when we decided to get back in the relationship and plans to do our best this time. I believed we had trustful, honest and transparent communication for the whole year of the relationship, where always I kept things clear with her, and I really thought that was reciprocal.

Prior to the day of the incident that happened on Monday evening of 16th September, I had arrangements to meet her. As she was non-responsive to messages and calls for the whole afternoon I became concerned about her welfare. When I went to her house in Eumundi and she didn’t respond to my calls, it was shocking and painful to realise that I saw through the window that she was in bed with another man. I called and knocked many times, hoping to at least talk to her about this, but with no response and then all the lights turned off, I made the wrong decision to enter the house to address what I had seen. I take full responsibility for this and regret not just leaving and accepting the reality.

I was completely in shock, dissociated and entered the house I damaged the laundry door by forcing the entrance. I went to her bedroom and found her distressed and calling the police. I wish I was able to say more in the moment but all I could do was ask her repeatedly “Why??” which she ignored and eventually she told me to leave, which I did promptly and voluntarily. This was completely outside of my character which many others who I shared the whole situation facts and legal impact with, have verified in their character statements to the court in support of me (friends, clients, ex-de facto partner, employers, etc). Very important to mention that there was no physical or verbal violence against her or anybody else, and no children were present.

For my actions, I was taken into custody by the police overnight causing the cancellation of my workshops for the week, and was received Wilful Damage and Trespassing charges. Given the usual openness and mutual support we had in our relationship, I believed it could have been resolved differently. I thought the escalation of events was due to the initial shock and fear and that we would still find a way to resolve it through discussion, finding peaceful closure. However, her actions continued to show me otherwise clearly that she wanted not only the protective order (DVO), for which I agreed with in my apology letter to her (as well as to provide repair to her door), but also that she wanted to press criminal charges, and that she was(is) intentionally causing damage to my personal and professional reputation. I am also aware by friends and clients that she keeps defaming me by messages to organisations that I am a member of, and on social media by commenting on posts that somebody has referred my services to, which I can’t see her posts as she has blocked me. 

I was surprised that she lied to the police in her statement (as well to the person she was with) saying that we hadn’t been in contact since March, except for a few messages via text. She claimed that I had an aggressive and dangerous nature, using this to justify her actions and protect her image when caught in a “love triangle” I was portrayed and reported to be the type of ex who supposedly, after six months of no contact, invade her home being fully aware she would be with someone else, which was absolutely not true. Despite her claims however, evidence later shown to the police proved we had a continuous relationship, exchanging messages and being intimate throughout. She possibly lied due to shame and has maintained that false narrative regardless of the harmful implications. The person she was with was her ex-partner in early/mid 2023, whom I hadn’t met and known until later court documents revealed his name. 

This event has hurt me deeply and has reinforced my challenge in trusting others. Through this I have been able to see even more, the importance of keeping my heart open rather than closing it. In sharing this event, I choose not to publicly share her name, but to share what is true regarding the actual events. I want to be very clear that regardless of how she has responded since, and the deception that she has chosen to carry on, she had the right to privacy in her own home and I realise I should have respected that and approached this differently. I take full responsibility for my actions without excuse. That decision, I wished I could undo, however, it was in a moment of shock, but my reason to enter was never to cause any fear, to threaten and cause any violence. And in saying all that, I also wished that the truth was revealed. Instead, this is my attempt to share what actually happened, which I truly hope is conveyed here, as it is difficult to have to share and reveal such personal information. I’ve been doing my best to process and embody all the learning from these traumatic events, which I acknowledge were painful for both of us.

The Aftermath

The courts and police acted with discretion throughout the process and the sentence was finally made on 19th November, when I pledged guilty and took full responsibility for my acts. Based on my spotless character, clean records (I was also a Justice of Peace) and the facts presented to the court, the judge ruled “no conviction recorded“, I paid court fines and damage restitution to her in full the following week. I began to feel I could start to find my way through this and focus on my healing, however the following day I received another unexpected and massive blow. The newspaper Sunshine Coast Daily/Courier Mail decided to publish an article by Sam Turner on 20th November about my case titled: “Nelson Eulalio pleads guilty to wilful damage. Trespass at former flames home”. The sensationalist article stated some of the court facts, however it was completely unnecessary to make my case public. To make it more speculative and harmful, only subscribers can see the full article. Those who can’t are left to just speculate about what could have happened, based on the misleading headline. This has the potential to impact me greatly.

To avoid further unnecessary damage, I wrote an email to their editorial department and asked for the article to be removed, as it is not required public knowledge, and it is actually causing more harm than good. The article is an undoing of all that was achieved with discretion through the courts and is inaccurate in its dramatisation of the incident and who it portrays me to be. It does not reflect my true character and appears to aim to defame me. All factors considered, the courts ruled that there would be “no conviction recorded”, however, that article subjects me to public conviction by those who do not have all the facts and do not need to be a part of this. It puts my professional reputation, livelihood and employment at risk and causes unnecessary confusion to the public and harm to me personally. The local news manager replied to my email stating that they are entitled to report it and that would NOT take the action I requested.

You can see my emails and their replies HERE and judge if that was a fair reply

To make things worse, the article comes up as a first or second result when any person searches for my name on Google (see it below), and due to the online nature of the news, it works as a permanent harm that convicts me for posterity.

My background (for those who don’t know me)

Since my early adulthood I had the vision of working with education and mentoring and reconnection with nature (rewilding), but my previous busy life kept me away from that for many years. I had a good career as a creative designer and marketing professional but at the time I felt missing a real purpose in life. One day it became unbearable to not see my energy focused on the real transformation of the world, nature, and people. I was passing through what mystics call a “Dark Night of the Soul” (deep life purpose crisis) and was when I decided to quit my job and went to India for a few months of sabbatical. I did a Yoga Teaching Training and other courses. When I came back, I had things clear and I did a qualification in Outdoor Leadership and started to work with youth and adults with centre-based activities (high ropes, canoeing, rock climbing, archery, etc) and expedition-based activities (multi-day camping and hiking). I have built my skills and experience consistently and love what I do. 

Working with youth has shown me the impact I can have by being a great role model. I have received feedback from many who have shown me how I have made a difference in their lives. I know my work touches hearts and makes the world a better place. I know I’m here to be a mentor, teaching life and bush skills, and supporting change through counselling/therapy and experiential learning. I also realised that working with children has been so rewarding– it gives me a sense of purpose, and helping children in a way that I too, would have benefited if I had a mentor when I was a child. Healing is a lifelong journey and we can find healing in every experience, not just in therapy, transformational workshops, vision quests, vipassana retreats, men’s circles, etc, life itself can heal us, and that’s what I choose to take from this experience.

Family (and community) is something that is incredibly important to me. While I have no children of my own, I always had a deeply desire to be a Dad. I had always a the best relationship with my ex-partners children. This drives my motivation and passion for my work. I know I’m here to have a positive impact on families, creating better relationships and fostering selfcare. My background and trainings are vast and varied. I’d love to share more of this with you – please see my webprofile for more details.

The Wild & Wild Tribe came from this dream and my longing to make a better world and build a healthy community, teach life skills and offer rites of passage for youth and adults. It makes my heart so fulfilled and happy to be able to mentor and teach kids in a way I wished my father could have done for me. I put so much of my heart into my work at Wild & Wise Tribe, my other employments, and volunteer mentoring positions because I feel that these are my life’s purpose. 

Those who are closer to me, and work with me, know that I am a peaceful and kind person/leader and I never use any violence against anybody. I am fully against any kind of violence. I teach kids how to be resilient, self-regulate and understand their emotions, and I have always been supportive of women, especially single mothers. On top of that I’ve done martial arts for many years, yoga and meditation to bring my balance and inner peace to my life. I don’t drink or take any drugs and live a life of awareness and integrity, and standing up for what is right in a world that has been losing its ethical compass. 

As a personal disclosure, I was a child who unfortunately witnessed abuse from my father who was on many occasions physically abusive with my mother. Having witnessed this, it is something that I am very affected by any type of violence – especially to women, given my childhood. I hope that in you reading this you can understand when such a claim by my ex-girlfriend has upset, traumatised and made me so unsettled to think that anyone could ever put me in a public light and for anyone to think this of me. And it is really sad to know that as yet she is still doing it, as hasn’t taken responsibility for her part on all of this.

The Learning (and the wild edge of sorrow and grief)

The whole situation impacted me so deeply, on many different levels. Initially with the heartbreak and betrayal. For a while I couldn’t see myself ever able to trust a partner again. In the depth of that grief, I saw that I had the option of shutting my heart indefinitely or opening it wider. With effort, I brokethrough it and decided on the latter.

Also, during the traumatic experience of being taken into custody by the police (for the first time in my life). I realised the system (understandably) was very biased against men in cases of domestic issues. I was automatically guilty in the eyes of others just because I was the man, which I have since heard from professionals in the field, is all too common. I also learnt how inadequate resources are for men in the area of Domestic Violence. As for instance, I was offered a female public solicitor who didn’t even look in my eyes, and wasn’t really keen to support me, until knowing more about my background and the fact that I was a JP(Qual). The untrue version of the facts given caused so much harm. 

Because it was not just the DVO but also criminal charges, I had to sit with the perspective of possibly no longer being able to hold my Blue Card (Working with Children Check). I was living with high levels of anxiety and powerless feelings whilst contemplating the scary possibility of having to leave behind my most important mission and purpose. Thankfully the outcome in the courts meant this did not occur and I can continue my work.

Not entering in too many details, after the shock I was living in a dissociative state for a while, lost 6 kilos in two weeks and was unable to sleep properly for a lot longer. I sought professional counselling, whilst I kept going with my casual work as much as possible, having no annual or sick leave available. Living on my own, I didn’t have any family or flatmates to support me. During those times I tried to keep my breath and my head up, and had some dear friends and supporters helping me to advertise and assist with my workshops. However, when the news article was published later on it came as a bombshell. When I heard of it I fell back into the nightmare and it was the last drop to finally snap my strength and it almost costed my life. I had to call Lifeline and am very grateful for some close friends checking on me and reminding me of the worth and value of my work. It has been a very hard time and I needed to create space to process and integrate it all. 

Character Reference letters

Please take some time to read below some of the character reference letters that employers, clients, friends, coworkers and ex-partner have written about me to be submitted to the court. (I’ve removed their names to respect their privacy, but they would be very keen to be referees):

Surrender and acceptance

I have learned more layers in the journey of surrendering and acceptance, and to be vulnerable and seek help. On the journey, I realised how many beautiful friends, managers and co-workers have always been around me and were so keen and willing to write me character reference letters (see above). 

I realised how much strength that can be harnessed in those moments with new perspectives. I see that at some level it is all a metaphor for our spiritual journey and the path of “ego’s death”, and again I am passing through another cocoon phase in my life and I am hearing the call to step up into another level of work. 

With the whole experience, I also felt on my skin how biased the system can be against men and how many men can be in similar positions with a high risk of ending their lives, due to shame, self-criticism, lack of support, fear of failure. Certainly some lessons that I can bring to men in my circles to better support them and their families.

The Future (of Wild & Wise Tribe)

This situation does not change in any form or degree my commitment and passion to my life mission and purpose in the outdoor education, nature connection, and mentoring fields, and my best interest in supporting youth and adults in their outdoor learning and growth. However, I feel that I need some time to heal and integrate all of this. 

It is a shame that the newspaper article from Courier Mail will indefinitely act as a sharp blade always ready to reopen my wounds and harm my reputation with people who don’t know me personally and/or my integrity and work ethic. As an example, I had my Intro to Spirit Animal workshop booked to be held in a beautiful healing space on the Gold Coast that works with women, and the founder sent me an email later to let me know that she was made aware of the Courier Mail article and that could impact her business image that is focused on women. It was very sad for me to receive a message like that. It put me again in a very tender space. It was after reading that letter and enduring another blow that I decided to write this open letter. 

To support and nurture myself through the healing process and to maintain integrity in what I provide, I have suspended all workshops and courses for this school holidays and first school term. I was going to launch a weekly program for children in school term 1 / 20025 but this will now be postponed as well as weekend workshops. I will reassess in April if I need more time to integrate the learning and to seek for support available for my workshops and courses. I have done Wild and Wise Tribe mostly on my own as my lovely workshop assistants come only on the day to help with ratios and packup. So my health reflects directly my business health. 

Focus in the next school term

During this break, I will be focusing on my employment work (as an expedition leader in the businesses who know me and support me) and on some studies that I have been postponing for the lack of free time. I have a few courses ongoing that I want to give some more attention to, and I have a Rites of Passage book to finalise and publish. I will also dedicate time to my yoga and meditation practices, and other physical activities whilst integrating the whole learning. 

As mentioned before, I can see even more clearly after this experience the importance of my work supporting men. We men usually try to resolve things and suffering on our own. There is so much out of my experience and learnings to share that I want to create a new program for men (and for fathers and sons) based on Nature connection and rites of passage. The program will aim for better relationship between fathers, partners and sons, and to nurture trust in themselves more so they can cope better with lifes challenges. 

I will keep my friends and the Wild & Wild Tribe community up to date with my healing and integration journey, but please feel free to connect. I appreciate your support and words of affirmation about my work, especially at these crazy times that we are moving into as humankind, when we all need more kindness and understanding. I will be intentionally restricting my presence on social media soon, for that term. But you can reach me by email, phone, Messenger or Whatsapp. 

Thank you for your time in reading this, it was a raw and vulnerable letter fully exposing my personal life with the aim of avoiding speculations, rumours and misunderstandings about those events and the impact of them in my life. I would love to be running my courses this term, but I am getting myself stronger and ready for the next. I will see you then! Namaste.

If you have any questions or want to offer support, please don’t hesitate to reach me out. 

Sincerily, 

Nelson Eulalio